Hitting ground zero

I guess I should actually start articulating the journey I've been on the last couple years. I've decided to do this for myself (as a digital journal to aid my failing memory), for my daughters and future grandchildren (because I would love to know about the spiritual journey my grandmother experienced and I can no longer ask her), and for you (whoever you happen to be... hoping some raw honesty and wrestling with big ideas is in some way encouraging to you).

I know we all have different experiences that shape our world view, so here's a brief summary of the past forty years just to give you some context of the way I used to think. My parents are incredibly beautiful people and both have a deep faith. They raised my sister and I in love and kindness, with a heavy focus on obeying/respecting authority, and were deeply devoted to the Independent Christian Church. I took ownership of my own spiritual journey when I was a freshmen in high school (after I had several intimate experiences with the Divine) and became hungry for everything I could learn. In the 25 years between then and I now, I've met hundreds of people and experienced many of the circles (or I like to think of them as "flavors") of Christianity: Church of Christ, Baptist, Catholic, Assembly of God, house churches, megachurches, community churches, postmodern/emergent churches, etc. I lived in a bit of a bubble, and if you knew me back then, you probably wouldn't like me (I don't even like who I was back then). I tended to be judgmental and a spiritual elitist with a "us-them" mentality of people who didn't believe like I did (even if most of those thoughts were only internal).

It wasn't until I moved to Arizona that I started friending the people I used to consider "them" and really listening to their view of the world (especially their view of Christianity). The more I listened (with my defenses down) the more I also allowed myself to ask really hard questions:

Why is there so much blood and violence in the Old Testament....
and church history?

Are the personal experiences people have with the "Divine" delusions... are we making this stuff up because we want to believe it so badly?

Why do several of my gay friends have more of the
"attributes of God" (love, light, compassion) than many of my
Christian friends (who say God hates that lifestyle)?

Why does every religion say they are the right one
(some of them the "only right one") to connect to God?

Is there really such a thing as sin,
or did men create that idea to control other people?

These are a few of the questions that shook things up for me.

...especially considering what Einstein said:
"Truth is what stands the test of experience."