emotional constipation and the economics of love...

Last weekend, I spent a lot of time with my family in Denver, including my very funny brother-in-law, Mikey. We all tease Mikey because he reminds us so much of Chandler Bing... in fact now that I think about it my sister is also a lot like Monica (a gorgeous brunette whose house is always spotless). Anyhow, Mikey has a hard time taking our family because we are all so touchy-feely (always hugging, affirming, and patting each other on the back). So I told him, "you know what the problem is, Mikey?....
you're emotionally constipated."

And his reply was, "well if that's that case,
you have emotional diarrhea."

I don't know... maybe he's right. Anyhow it got me thinking about the balance between restraining and blurting our emotions/affections.


A couple months ago I was talking with one of my friends at ASU and she was telling me about how her relationship with her boyfriend finally got to the point where she took the huge step of saying "I love you." I'm sure we've all been there--that point in a relationship where you are feeling it, but are scared to death to be the first one to say it.

Anyhow, my friend took the leap... she said it first. Unfortunately the other person wasn't ready yet. She said it hurt, but she was glad that she was true to her own feelings. She felt good about being able to give love whether it was verbally recipricated or not.

I guess I forget its such a hard word--the "L" word-- for us to say to each other sometimes.

And as I realized how our society makes such a big deal about actually saying "i love you" to someone, I wondered if i freak my colleagues out sometimes. Because, the truth is when I feel it, I just blurt it out... I work with this amazing group of people who inspire me, support me, and make me laugh on a daily basis and I can't help but blurt out "i love you" in response... its unrestrainable.

but shouldn't we say it, if we feel it???

who cares if its not the norm.

Surely love isn't ruled
by the same principles
as economics.
I mean, gold is valuable
because it is so rare
(simple supply and
demand theory).


but I can't believe that love becomes less valuable
the more we articulate it...
the more we feel it...
the more we give it...

Oh sure, I get the whole thing about not saying you're in love with someone you've just starting dating (and how important it is to handle each other's heart with a deep and delicate respect). And we probably all know the feeling of unrequited love (whole novels have been written around that one).

But today when I was listening to "All is full of love" I was reminded of how much we are shown love... and in so many unexpected places. ...and if we are given love unrestrained, shouldn't we also give it unrestrained?

twist your head around...

wine, hammocks, and connections....

don't you love it when random things in your life surprise you and start making these deep connections?

ok, well before I go there, i guess i better explain the wide spectrum of thoughts and experiences I've had this month (since its been so long since I've processed ideas here):

wine
Last month several of us ASU webbies got to go to San Francisco for a conference. I love San Francisco! I love the city, the huge spectrum of people there, the great food, and the wine. The wine was better that usual that week, and I don't think it was just because we were close to Sonoma Valley. It was more about connection.... the connections we were making with each other over long conversations every night.

hammocks
A couple weeks ago our house was totally full of family for a wedding. It was so full that we ran out of beds. So we gave our beds to the guests and my hub graciously slept under the pool table and I slept outside in the hammock. What surprised me though, was how much I loved it. There was this gentle breeze all night, and instead of that annoying alarm that I beat every nine minutes (for at least a half an hour), I woke up slowly to the sun rise and a whole chorus of birds around me. And it hit me--this is the way we were meant to wake up! It felt so much natural to be connected to the rest of the earth as she woke up... I'm going to sleep outside more often.

the power of full engagement
I've been reading this great book about how to effectively manage our energy. Between the rich ideas here, and even more so in the conversations with some good friends, I'm really embracing the idea of how intergrated we are (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually) and how important it is to find a rhythm of spending and renewing our energy on all of those levels. Rhythm is such a beautifully poetic concept....
speaking/listening
working/resting
creating/absorbing others creativity
loving/being loved
giving/receiving
reading/writing
the beating of our heart
breathing...
its a beautiful design...

wine & heaven
So yesterday when I was listening to some of Rob Bell's thoughts about "Wine & Heaven", everything over the last month started connecting.... how wine is deeply symbolic of peace and connection... how we are integrated beings... how connected we are to each other... and to the earth....

i love connection.