momo

I learned yesterday that one of my favorite people in the world, my Momo, (my beautiful mom's beautiful mother) was diagnosed with a disease that is stealing her health. As my heart is still deeply grieving the reality of this news, it only felt right to take a few moments and celebrate such a beautiful spirit, that will never fade.

Momo and I have always been kindred spirits, even when I was a small child. Its an unexplainable connection, really ... one too deep for words.

It was Momo, and my Grandma Lucy (her best friend), that inspired me to be an artist in the first place. They showed me the beauty of color and art.. the beauty in people, and in the spiritual. And her words were always full of affirmation... with that sweet sing-song voice that I adore so much. But the greatest thing she has done for me, is taught me something with her very life.

You see, Momo has known more pain in her life than anyone I know. Stories I don't want to tell here, but tragic and heart-breaking non the less. But through all of this, she has never let it make her bitter, she has refused to become an opinionated judgemental old woman, and she never complains. In a cynical, grumbling, critical world, her presence is like breath of fresh air.

Mary Kathleen, you will always be embedded in my heart, you will always inspire me with your deep beauty, and my only comfort now is knowing our kindred spirits will be forever. I can only hope to age as gracefully as you have. I love you.

....

The Dark Side of Christmas

I know this is a time of year when many people become contemplative--about peace, and meaning, giving, and life in general. And I join that flow of thought--really questioning things that don't seem to synch up--the way things should be.. and the way things currently are. Maybe its something deeper?? Maybe we're supposed to be drastically different than what we are now?? I have such huge questions...

I re-stumbled on a beautiful thought today. It seemed relevant...

"Just for the moment iteself, of Christmas, there can be only silence as something comes to life, some spirit, some hope; as something is born again into the world that is so strange and new and precious that not even a cynic can laugh, although he might be tempted to weep.

The child born in the night among beasts.
The sweet breath and steaming dung of beasts.
And nothing is ever the same again.

Those who believe in God can never in a way be sure of him again. Once they have seen him in a stable, they can never be sure where he will appear or to what lengths he will go or to what ludicrous depths of self-humiliation he will descend in his wild pursuit of man. If holiness and the awful power and majesty of God were present in this least auspicious of all events, this birth of a peasant's child, then there is no place or time so lowly and earthbound but that holiness can be present there too.

And this means that we are never safe, that there is no place where we can hide from God, no place where we are safe from his power to break in two and recreate the human heart because it is just where he seems most helpless that he is most strong, and just where we least expect him, that he comes most fully.

For those who believe in God, it means, this birth,
that God himself is never safe from us,
and maybe that is the dark side of Christmas,
the terror of the silence.
He comes in such a way that we can always turn him down..."

-Frederick Buechner (The Hungering Dark)

Doing Life Naked

Ok... that may have provoked some extreme mental imagery, but before you leave a hostile comment, hear me out on this one...

Have you ever realized how so much of our life has to do with perception?? Lately, I've been realizing the power behind the concept that "perception is reality." Wall Street understands it, marketing professionals understand it, and deep down I think socially, we all know this as well.

For instance, when you really connect with a new person in your life, there's this kind of "magic" to the friendship. But then after a couple months, or sometimes years, you think "they aren't the same person." Its like our image of who they were was built on perceptions (who we thought they were), and as we spend more time with them, and *really* get to know them (especially their imperfections), our perceptions are replaced with reality.

This is the point in many relationships, where people often say "you've changed" and back away. But the truth is, our perceptions weren't truth. Its like our subconscious filled those unknown spots (of who they are) with thoughts of who we wish they were; we kind of saw them through this filter of ourselves.

Once reality has dissolved that image of them that we really liked, we're not only frustrated that they aren't who we thought they were; but I think deep down, if we have the guts to admit it, it also makes us a little nervous about how people see us. "I hope I can maintain this image that they have of me," "I hope I don't disappoint them!" Do you ever feel that... the pressure to maintain a certain image??? That feeling that if people really knew what you were like, they would walk away.

But the truth is, I think we all long to really be known... and understood... and still accepted (despite our imperfections).

I have a handful of relationships where I feel like the other person's image of me is reality (not just perceptions) because they have seen the ugliest sides of my personality... and strangely enough, they haven't walked away. In a culture of unfaithfulness, and flippant relationships, it feels so good to be enveloped in loyalty-- not having to fear that if my weaknesses are exposed, I will be rejected. Instead my weaknesses will "dissolve on the white oceans of their loyalty;" and I am then free to be nakedly honest about who I am.

Don't you think we all wish we could bring down the defense systems, and be truly honest about who we are... without fear of rejection. I really believe that "perfect love casts out fear" especially this kind of fear.

I have this dream of being part of a community of people who treat each other with this deep and delicate respect (believing how they treat the person next to them = how they treat Christ himself). Oh sure, there is still weaknesses and inadequacies in each person, but when we see the other's "holes" we respond by wanting to fill them (either with our strengths, or in helping them fill it).

Its like being a part of each other's process to become more like Christ. In any case, its always motivated by our love for each other; and if your strength fills my weaknesses (and visa versa), our lives kind of weave in and out of each others.

So when I say let's "do life naked" what I really mean is, let's strip ourselves of all the defense systems, the misunderstandings, our need to be better than each other, the games we play, and our fears. Let's see each other transparently: everyone unique, in the naked, shimmering essence of who they really are. And let's love each other deeply and purely--graceful with each other's imperfections, because ours are just as exposed.

Dom Helder Cama once said,
“When we dream alone, it is only a dream.
When we dream together, it is the beginning of reality.”

So that's my dream, to collectively create a culture where no one feels like they have to hide; to live life fearlessly and nakedly.... (even though we're physically clothed). ;)

ps. Donald Miller has some excellent insight into what our nakedness originally meant. If you haven't read it yet, you've really got to read "Searching for God Knows What".

#$@&%*#!

I have an amazing friend here at ASU, who shall remain nameless for now, who has become a kindred-spirit of mine. She's the kind of a person who has this inner-light that radiates from her, and is probably the least judgemental person I know. People are just drawn to her because her joy and beauty just kinda suck you in.

Anyhow, this friend of mine told me last week that she was sharing her life experiences with a group of people, and afterward, a student came up to her, absolutely enraged that she cursed and used "filthy language" (which actually amounted to a "damn it" and and couple "what the hell"s... which seems like its more "dingy" than "filthy" to me). Regardless, it really made me stop and think about what "cursing" really is.

I know a woman who makes such a strong stand against 'curse words" in her family that she will get up and turn off the TV after the third time one is spoken during a show. She actually counts out loud.... one... oooh, two... three, that's it! And yet, she has *the* most judgmental, critical, sharp tongue I have ever seen. I have personally experienced her verbally-butcher another family member, either right to their face, and more often than not behind their back.

But I also have people in my life who sometimes use "grey" words, maybe even drop an "f-bomb" once in a while; but they are also the most loving, graceful, encouraging people I know.

Don't you find that jarring???

If curse words = "shit," "damn it," "hell," etc.,
things just aren't adding up for me...

Words are powerful. Our words to each other are powerful. We can criticize, tear down, bring division, change someone's perception of another person or a situation, even emotionally-shread someone with the words we speak; OR we can bind wounds, lift up, bring hope, bring peace, heal relationships, inspire, and even ennoble each other.

Maybe we need to look deeper at our definition of cursing??

Words are powerful.
Our words to each other are powerful.

I know I have been changed by the words of another.
I know I have been change by the Word.