thanks...

As I sit here in the stillness of the morning, before the day becomes so full of loving and serving the huge group of beautiful people that will fill our home today, I stumbled on some beautiful thoughts from my friend, Bryan. And I just wanted to take a moment and echo that thought.

This week has been absolutely amazing. Everyday, He has moved in these intimately beautiful ways... stories that aren't meant for the blogosphere, but can only be shared when we can look each other in the eye, and share a meal together. But don't you love it when God answers the cries of your heart in ways that you don't expect. Don't you love it when God absolutely takes over a conversation, and speaks the very words (through the person across from you) that you just spoke to Him in your secret places the day before. I love how He moves.

I am so with you, Bryan... we have so much to be thankful for, but more than anything... God, thank you for moving.

stars and showers...

Last Sunday we went out to the Civic Center and worshipped in the chilly night air.... it was amazing. Even though I am a thin-blooded Zonie, being a little cold was nothing compared to the chance to stand under the stars and worship such a beautiful Artist/Engineer. I found myself wishing we were out of the city... out where our artificial lights can't hide how many stars fill the heavens.

Don't you love the stars? I don't know what it is about them.... their distant beauty... or just the incomprehensible number of them? I love how Abraham Lincoln said it... "I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how he could look up into the heavens and say there is no God."

I've been listening to Kerry's past thoughts on our Floodcast this week. One of them I've listened to multiple times (the "You are Loved" podcast). And I have to be honest--God is really changing me with this one because I've had this whole view of His love for us flipped. I won't go into all the details--you'll have to listen to it yourself.

But as I've been thinking about those ideas all week, I can't help but think of how much glory God really deserves. I once heard John Piper say,"The heavens declare the glory fo God... and the reason for "wasting" so much space on a universe to house a speck of humanity is to make a point about our Maker, not us." Seriously. Think of everything that's out there--the stars, and nebulae, and galaxies that have never been seen by us... yet exist purely to worship a God of beauty.

I just found out this morning that there is going to be a meteor shower tonight. I don't know about you, but that's just too irresistible--a bunch of us are going to head out of the city, build a fire, and just gaze in wonder together.... as we worship our God... with the stars and the cosmic dust...

i am the church

The community photo project is up. Check it out. Beautiful people from all over the world. Thanks for pulling this together, Joshua.

And thanks Wes, for being the church with us the other night. One of my favorite places to be the church together is over late-night french toast.

Speaking of Wes, the Van Buren Regulars are playing at OnePlace this Saturday night. If you're in downtown Phoenix, come hang out. You'll love their music.

never leaving...

This has been an incredible week of dialogue (one on one, in small groups, in the blogosphere, and in my 'secret places'). The kind where all the thoughts and conversations seem to be in harmony with each other.

First off, I haven't been able to stop thinking about these ideas of how we view things in boxes. As Joshua observes, "i drive around in a box. i live in a huge box that has little boxes within the greater box. i watch television shows on a box. right now I'm staring into a small box.... we like putting God into our neat, little boxes." And as I was soaking in those thoughts this week, I also realized how much we put each other in boxes.

We analyze, and even judge each other; then mentally put them in these boxes (intellectuals, tech-geeks, frat-boys, emo). We even get more personal, and analyze each other's personality/character, almost as if they are never going to grow out of it (high-maintenance, cynical, flakey, spineless, self-absorbed, etc.) We especially do this in the church. We box in whole groups of people (traditional, emergent, catholic, protestant, charismatic, not to mention the thousands of denominations).

I guess I've been thinking about this a lot this week, because its so painful to watch misunderstandings, conflict, and relational pain happen in the church. In fact, I just met a woman tonight at a banquet who grew up in Argentina (because her parents were missionaries). When I asked her if she liked growing up a "PK", the first thing she said was, "you know there's a lot of pain that happens in the church.... but my parents were really good at showing us the difference between the Spirit of Christ and the politics of the church."

And it made me think about what Joshua continued to say: that even though we view the world in boxes, its really fluid, organic, seasonal.... he said,

"love goes through good seasons. bad seasons.
seasons of wealth and poverty. of joy and sorrow.
of frustration and peace.
people work through things. we fail. forgive. fail. forgive.
we don't give up on people we love because we, too, are imperfect.
people suffer together and grow together. suffering produces growth.
pain has its seasons. growth is never-ending.
love is fluid, not a boxed in idea."

I think the church is the same way. We can't put each other in boxes (either individually or as a group). Because we, as the whole Body of Christ, are organic.... and very connected. Whether you and I agree on how things should be done, the way you are... affects me (and visa versa). If you are a joyful, compassionate, graceful person--your spirit energizes mine. But if you always focus on other's faults, are cynical or self-absorbed--just your presence drains life from mine. We are connected, and we either give life to each other, or drain it. "...there are no neutral exchanges." (brennan manning)

In fact, as much as I hate to admit it, I am also connected to that guy who comes to campus and screams hell and judgement at everyone, because he's not only enraging me, but he's also affecting people's opinion of what Christians are like.

I have been in fellowships before, in the very distant past, where I strongly disagreed with how things were being done and how people were being treated, so we decided to make a stand and "leave that church." And as I thought of those painful times, I realized that even if any one of us feels we can't serve with a specific group, we can never really "leave the church," we are too connected to each other.... we are family. Even if that means I'm your crazy Aunt Mertle who laughs obnoxiously, smokes cigars, and annoys the hell out of you. So I decided... I will never say, "I'm leaving this church" or "that church" or "the church." i can't. its a part of me. you're a part of me.

Then I was listening to my all-time favorite teacher the other day (Oct 22, Week 404... you gotta listen to it). And not only did he have some amazing insight into a story I've heard a million times before, but the things he said were in totally harmony with these ideas I was already chewing on. I especially loved his emphasis on forgiveness... and how the root of the Hebrew word for forgiveness is the same as the root for "to dance."

How beautiful is that?

Then... ironically enough, I went to read Joshua's blog tonight and he has a call out for everyone to send him photos of themselves holding up a sign that says "I am the church." So if you get a chance, send him a pic this weekend. I loved this because when he posted the community photo project last week, he said "we are all a part of this big family who is simply trying to progress and move in this kingdom in which we live... be sure and check out the sites of your family members." ... family members..... 40 people from all over the world, that I have never met... and yet it really did feel like we were family...

masks...

"To love is to be vulnerable."
- C.S. Lewis

I saw this quote the other day, and haven't been able to stop thinking about this idea.... being vulnerable. Why *is* that so hard? Why is it so incredibly scary?

I don't know... maybe its just trying to exist here in this culture of competition, performance and excellence. (Don't get me wrong, I believe in excellence... but please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like they can't constantly live up to the pressure of it). And its not only my professional/academic life that I feel so much stress... its also my relationships.

I look around and I see friendships form... and then dissolve. Couples unite, and then split. I watch people's perceptions of each other shift (from affection, to criticism). And deep down I wonder how stable my own relationships are... I wonder when the person next to me is going to walk away.

So as a defense, I put the mask on. I'll admit it. Maybe the mask will cover up all my flaws and I can survive a little longer in this competitive workforce. Maybe my friends won't see the scars and imperfections, despise me, and walk away... at least today.

But then I look at that person across from me wearing their mask, and sure, it's beautiful. But when I get close, and reach out and touch their face, its cold... and hard... and fake. And you know, I don't care how many flaws they have, I'd much rather see their face than some painted piece of plastic.

I don't know, that part seems easy--accepting the people around me, no matter how imperfect they are. The hard part for me, is accepting my own weaknesses, and having the courage to take the mask off myself... to expose the reality of my own flaws.

So I guess if Clive is right, and
love = vulnerability
then God... teach me how to love.